The Perfect Day
contributed by Lora (e-mail: [email protected])

THE PERFECT DAY - FOR HER

8:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses
8:30 Weigh in 2Kg lighter than yesterday
8:45 Breakfast in bed, freshly squeezed orange juice and croissants; open presents - expensive jewelry chosen by thoughtful partner
9:15 Soothing hot bath with frangipani bath oil
10:00 Light work out at club with handsome funny personal trainer
10:30 Facial, manicure, shampoo, condition, blow dry
12:00 Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor cafe
12.45 Catch sight of husband/boyfriend's ex and notices she has gained 17 lbs.
1:00 Shopping with friends, unlimited credit
3:00 Nap
4:00 Three dozen roses delivered by florist, card from secret admirer
4:15 Light work out at club, followed by massage from strong but
gentle hunk who says he rarely gets to work on such a perfect body
5:30 Choose outfit from expensive designer wardrobe, parade before full length mirror
7:30 Candle lit dinner for two followed by dancing, with compliments received from other diners/dancers
10:00 Hot shower (alone)
10:50 Carried to bed...(freshly ironed, crisp, new, white linen)
11:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling
11:15 Fall asleep in his big strong arms

THE PERFECT DAY - FOR HIM

6:00 Alarm
6:15 Oral Sex
6:30 Massive satisfying dump while reading the sports section
7:00 Breakfast: rump steak and eggs, coffee and toast, all cooked by naked buxom wench
7:30 Limo arrives
7:45 Several Whiskeys en-route to airport
9:15 Flight in personal Lear Jet
9:30 Limo to Riverside Oaks Golf Club (oral sex en-route)
9:45 Play front nine (2 under)
11:45 Lunch Pie, chips and gravy, 3 lagers and a bottle of Dom Perignon
12:15 Oral Sex
12:30 Play back nine (4 under)
2:15 Limo back to the airport (Several Whiskeys)
2:30 Fly to Monte Carlo
3:30 Late afternoon fishing excursion with all female crew (all nude)
4:30 Land world record Marlin (1279 lbs) - on light tackle
5:00 Fly home, mutually naked "adult" massage by naked Elle McPherson
6:45 Shit, Shower and Shave
7:00 Watch news: Michael Jackson goes to jail, marijuana becomes legal and porn airs on primetime
7:30 Dinner: lobster appetizers, Dom Perignon (1953), big juicy fillet steak followed by ice cream served on a pair of breasts
9:00 Napoleon Brandy and Cohiba cigar in front of wall size TV as you watch fight of the century
9:30 Sex with three women (all with lesbian tendencies)
11:00 Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and a cleansing ale
11:30 Late night oral sex by moonlight
11:45 In bed alone
11:50 A twelve second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to leave the room.

Click here to return to The Liberator's Blasphemous Humor: liberator.net.